Guest posting from Randy Wornhole: Man and the Higher Self?

I have recently realised that where my boyfriend is concerned, if he can’t fuck it, eat it or disassemble and try to rebuild it, he isn’t sure what to do with it.

I realised after talking to several female friends, I seem to have accidentally discovered the TRUE NATURE of men. Simples!

We all have our needs and desires, but at our core is some primeval voice leading us to fulfil our basic drives in order to survive, then when these are met, we allow room to fulfil higher functions. Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs backs up this theory. Sometimes I realise that it is easier to get to the first two or three basic levels of need, and stick there, satisfying the animal within, not progressing to the more human traits and needs.

I like the way in which the Chinese try and fulfil basic needs with a higher spiritual fulfilment… A fortune cookie, tries to teach you about the higher self and YOU CAN EAT IT! Pure genius.

Fortune cookie

Fortune cookie

Maybe this is why people now have sayings tattooed on their body, as a way of trying to enlighten their sexual partners while fulfilling sexual need. But this hypothesis does only hold up when the tattoo’s message is of the right calibre. Having the phrase “This entrance welcomes all cummers”, across the top of your bum would not count as higher thought.

In order to completely and utterly help your man attain a greater level of consciousness, you need only combine the hierarchy of needs:

  1. Tie yourself naked to a coffee table.
  2. Spell out on your body using French fries, some deep philosophical saying.
  3. Add a glass of beer with philosophy written on the bottom of the glass.
  4. Make sure that the football is on the TV, and pay to have adverts around the pitch, re-iterating the message you want to get across.

This may work out an expensive, time consuming approach, but hopefully it will get through, at some stage… maybe… well… probably not, but hey at least its worth a shot.

Finally I’d like to finish with a joke, just to clarify the inner workings of the male brain:


For the whole 5 years I’ve been with my girlfriend, I’ve been begging her to try anal.

Until one day recently she gave in and said “Right! We can either do anal and spend the rainy day fund on those curtains I want, or, we don’t do anal and we buy the 3D TV you want. Which is it to be?”

At this point I remembered something my Dad told me once. He said “Son, if you just can’t decide, listen to your heart.”

Taking his advice, I found my stethoscope and held it to my chest. My heart’s answer was a resounding ” BumBum BumBum BumBum BumBum… ”



This is a historic occasion: the first time we’ve had a guest post on DelDev. Randy Wornhole is a gay comedian whose dress sense ranges from the glamorously goth to the OTT outrageous, and whose humour isn’t so much dark as bizarre, bloodcurdling, corrupt, demented, disturbing, foul, grisly, infernal, malignant, morbid and panic-inducing. It is pretty funny though.

Randy Wornhole

Randy Wornhole

Here’s a link to his blog.

Thinking about Nu Fetish

Just a quick note: Fulani’s non-fiction thinkpiece about fetish – specifically about Christopher Cumingham’s Nu Fetish, hence the title ‘What’s Nu?’ – is just out in Erotic Review (dated 24 March 2012).

For those who haven’t been keeping up, Erotic Review is no longer a paid-for electronic magazine but a free website with a whole load of insightful comment on everything from burlesque to obscenity and internet dating to HIV – plus some pretty neat fiction.

Oh, and there’s a long and slightly literary post over at his other blog, Fulanismut, about how erotica’s suddenly become a major publishing genre in its own right.


I was going to write another blog post today but then I had an email:

The following book has been nominated by The Romance Reviews reviewers for Best Book of 2011 in the following categories:

  • Title – The Vampire Skye
  • Author – Fulani
  • Category – GLBT
  • Sub Category – Paranormal Romance

Voting takes place here! (Voters have to be logged in to The Romance Reviews).

Voting is from March 16 to March 31. Results would be announced on April 2.

It’s up against a strong field, so I’ll be grateful for every vote!

Meanwhile, the novella is available in the Kindle shop, the Kindle shop, the Barnes & Noble Nook website  and direct from the publishers, Xcite Books.

Velvet Tripp’s reaction?  ‘The Romance Reviews? You mean Fulani, vampires and romance? That’s sick!’

Well, there is a bit of romance there in between lesbian BDSM vampire sex scenes, and the somewhat dystopian setting that involves the last throes of the sovereign debt crisis…

The email made my day, anyway. Hope yours is at least as good!

– F

Pole-dancing robots!

This must be crossover territory between Nu Fetish, gynoids and cybersex – pole-dancing robots.

The CeBIT tech fair in Hanover, Germany, running until 10 March, features a pair of robot pole dancers made from old car parts, along with a robot DJ who plays the music they gyrate to. The idea came from Julian Hangschlit and the robots were designed by British robot-maker-cum-artist Giles Walker, are driven by old car motors and their moves are controlled by computer via wireless technology.

Pics and more info: or (they have the same stuff) – and more pics and a short video at Walker’s website (explore the other parts of his website for similarly strange robots including a cyber-beggar (complete with cyber-dog), robot priest and, for those who are knowledgeable about UK culture and get the reference, a pair of cyber-chavs.

It turns out the robots weren’t made especially for this exhibition – they previously appeared a couple of years ago in a Mutate Britain exhibition in London (here’s a short Vimeo clip and a YouTube clip). But their CeBIT appearance has certainly attracted a lot of attention.

You don’t see the robot pole-dancers swinging around their poles, climbing them or performing acrobatics – but a quick inspection of YouTube indicates there are already plenty of dancing robots, climbing robots, and of course the notorious Japanese gynoids (Aiko, Actroid, EveR-1, Meinu and others). So there will probably be some performing next year, then… and the year after, in a ‘gentleman’s club’ near you…