Following Fulani’s post about our holiday, I’ve been asked what it feels like to be flogged by fire. I wonder how people guessed I might know the answer to that? It’s an interesting question. Of course, we take thorough precautions when playing with fire, and have an extinguisher ready, as well as lots of cold water to treat any burns with, a first aid kit and my own first aid trained Fulani. I have to strip, as clothes could cause serious burns if they caught alight. Don’t try this stuff if you don’t know what you’re doing, please. A recent domestic accidental burn has left me even more careful as the pain was ridiculously high and has left a nasty scar.
What does it feel like? Well, an ordinary flogger is quite thuddy and hard, but a fire flogger is surprisingly lightweight. When used correctly, it hits the skin very quickly, and for this reason, believe it or not, doesn’t hurt. It’s an interesting experience. You feel the flogger, and feel the heat, but it glances over the skin so fast that, although I have in the past been convinced that there would be marks or burns, fire flogging has never damaged my skin or even left a red mark. I am so confident I’ve recommended to friends to try it. One of those friends is in the pictures in the last post. He loved it! You feel a stingy glow and of course the excitement (biggest BDSM tool being the brain) work wonders. We have been known, after doing a demo, to disappear for a while on our own. Over to your imagination now!
Are you new to this stuff? Do you wonder what all these scary looking toys are about? If so, this is just for you. There are lots and lots of toys you can use during BDSM play. Here are a few of my favourites to help you get acquainted.
Floggers. These vary in the width of each thong and they also vary by the texture of the materials they are constructed from. The best way to choose a flogger is to decide what kind of stimulation you want from it.
Thin rubber or thin, stiff leather ones will sting if used with any force. Softer leather or suede ones will ‘thud’ more and are really useful to ‘warm up’ the skin. Most reputable sellers will indicate on their websites what type you are buying, and are nearly always willing to advise you if you are not sure which ones to go for. If you can make it to a BDSM fair, sellers will allow you to try them on your own skin to ensure you get what you want.
Selection of floggers
Pinweels. Often known as the Wartenberg pinwheel, there are now a few variations around, including a plastic disposable one and a seven wheel one. These look vicious, but can be used very gently over the skin, even nipples, as long as the user does not apply too much pressure. In any event, they are a pretty safe toy that can provide a lot of fun teasing and waking up the subs’ skin.
three wheeled pinwheel
Historically these had a medical use, for testing skin/nerve sensitivity – though it’s pretty obvious why they’ve become bdsm favorites and are now widely available…
Crops. These are very easily obtained from any riding shop, but check out the crop before you buy. They do vary in stiffness and width, and this will affect the sensation on the skin. The stiffer they are, and the smaller the tress or ‘tongue’ at the end, the more they are likely to sting!
Canes. The thinner these are the more they will sting and the more chance they have of breaking the skin, so new doms beware and practise before doing any serious play with your partner. Thicker ones, again, will be more ‘thuddy’ but when delivered hard will make your sub howl. Once your sub is blindfolded, Fulani tells me it’s great fun scaring their sub by ‘swishing’ them in the air really hard, but not actually hitting them this hard. There’s another toy involved here…which is listed at the end of my top ten.
Nipple clamps. These vary from the howlingly painful (which your sub may or may not appreciate) to fairly stimulating. Some are made like clothes pegs, with a spring to close them. Others screw up so are more adjustable. I would go for these if you’re unsure how much stimulation your sub’s nipples can take. The idea is to leave them on for a while (from a couple of minutes to about twenty in my case) but beware! The longer your sub has them on, the more noise they are likely to make when you remove them, as this allows a blood rush back into the nipples and this obviously can be quite painful. I like this, but if you are new, experiment to find out what you like!
Screw type nipple clamp
Paddles. These are flat, paddle like spanking toys that can sting quite a lot. They aren’t one of my favourite toys, but they may be one of yours. Again, they will vary in intensity depending on what they are made of and how wide the paddle is. Softer suede will be less intense than a wide, stiff leather one. Try before you buy or choose from item descriptions on the website you’re looking at. Studded ones are going to hurt more than flat ones!
Selection of funky paddles
Restraints. From ankle and wrist straps to collars and rope, being retrained is part of many a BDSM play scene. Nice, broad, well fitting straps are best for comfort and long scenes. They will minimise the need to adjust during play, which can be a distraction! Rope should be used only if you know how to tie them correctly and you are aware of the Safety issues involved. Rope knots should never press on tendons or ligaments, and your sub should not end up with a huge knot pressing into their back when led down. See the earlier post we did showing the correct way to tie the wrist. We will be doing more bondage tutorials, so call back again for them. Collars should fit well. Your sub should never be left alone if the collar is tethered to anything. They are fun to attach a lead to when moving your sub around.
Set of restraints
Gags. Not a toy for the beginner unless you have a particular fetish for them. I found it took me a while before being prepared to try them. You cannot speak with one in [Fulani adds: though you can make attractive and quite loud mewls and squawks!] so you do need another way to indicate should you need to be released for any reason. My Fulani gives me a small ball to drop, but we’ve also used hand signals in these play situations. You must be able to trust your dom to act immediately if you need to be released. [Fulani adds: our hand signals are similar to some scuba diving ones – finger and thumb in an ‘O’ for OK, a flutter of the hand for ‘this is borderline’ and a raised middle finger, ‘giving the bird’, for ‘red: I need this to stop NOW’].
Vibrators. Well, I don’t think these will need much description, but they are sometimes overlooked and shouldn’t be. From your standard rabbit to more powerful vibrators intended for deep muscle massage can be pressed into BDSM play. Experiment, ensure your sub has a way for indicating when they’ve had enough and amass a nice collection of them.
Last but not least, the best BDSM toy, and it’s free. Your brain is the best toy you have. Imagination can build intense anticipation, fear, excitement or whatever else you want out of a play session. Use email to tease each other before the play event. Talk to your sub once they are blindfolded (another useful accessory) and tell them what you’re going to do to them. Tease them with scary stories. It all depends on what you and your sub want out of a play session. I remember once turning up for a play session and Fulani quite innocently showing me his new chef’s kitchen knife. We had a meal then decided to play. When I felt cold metal on my skin and realised it was a knife I was truly scared (which is a turn on for me in this situation). My brain told me it was that huge, sharp new carving knife. We had a great session. Later, once the blindfold came off, I realised the scary huge knife was actually a little blunt one Fulani uses to tease subs! My brain had done the rest very well. Trust is vital when playing, and again something only you, your partner and your brains can develop. And that depends on communication. So talk lots, agree a safe word or way of letting your dom know you’ve had enough and talk again after a session, especially if either of you felt uncomfortable about anything.
As a little extra encouragement, stimulate that brain. Give it some ideas to cogitate. How about a story? There are free ones on here, but Fulani and I also write for a living. Go on, find new inspiration. Find more stories by Fulani and VelvetTripp here.
Have loads of fun, and play safe!
Pics used to illustrate this article are all taken by Velvet for our friends (they live round the corner) Freak Clubwear. You’ll find all these items for sale on their website and at the stall they run at various fetish fairs such as the monthly Birmingham Bizarre Bazaar.
Have you ever wondered why people allow themselves to be tied up, dominated by another person, male or female? Is it something that you’d like to try or appeals to you but you’re too scared to give it a go? Or maybe you think that anyone who does do this must be mad.
Fulani and I have been asked many times ‘what’s it like to be trussed up like that?’ and ‘why do you like it?’ The answers aren’t simple, and won’t be the same of course for everyone. But for me the whole thing started with simple curiosity and a tendency to like the strange and different. I went to a fetish ball, met some friendly people who invited me to another event, and after going to several and seeing Fulani tie other people up while taking great care over their safety decided to ‘have a go.’ Yes, right there in the club. The advantage to this was that I asked the friend I’d attendedwith to keep an eye on me, so I felt very safe.
The result was unexpected and the start of some new fun in my life. I found myself relaxing and eventually zoning out while trussed up. The feel of the rope around you is not only quite sexy but quite comforting. I feel secure, safe and totally not in control. Of course, you can only feel safe and not in control when the person who is doing the bondage can be trusted. Obviously Fulani and I got on really well, and met up again many times at events. Eventually I felt safe enough with him to start seeing him in private. Now we are a couple.
If bondage is something you’d like to try, I’d recommend going to a fetish club initially. There are some very good ‘doms’ and some who think they are good but aren’t. Take your time to get to know people. Make friends. Watch how they play with other people. If you fancy playing with someone, it may be a good idea to ask the ‘dungeon monitor’ who is likely to know many of the people at the event. Tell them you’re new. Tell them you’re inexperienced. Don’t be shy. One of the best way to make sure you are safe is to lay your cards on the table and take advice from more experienced people. I’ve found that there is always someone at these events who is willing to help a newcomer. Use your instinct, too. I avoided one man like the plague at three separate events, only to find out he is not the best at respecting a subs wishes, so was right to avoid him.
Always remember that the sensation or feeling of being out of control is not the same as actually being out of control. YOU, as the sub, are in charge. YOU say when it all stops or when you are released if you’re bound. The dom only controls you for as long as you let them. Ultimately, this play is about power exchange. You give the control over to your dom, complete with an understanding of your limits, and he/she gets to behave as if they own you for a while, hopefully giving YOU a good time. He gets his enjoyment out of being control of you.
So if you are thinking of giving something new a try, just do it in a safe environment and don’t be afraid to speak out if you don’t like it. This is not a situation to keep quiet and end up feeling abused. Clear communication is paramount in fetish. Only you can decide what’s right for you. A good dom will listen and act on your feelings.