Bondage – Why do People do it? Plus safety tips.

Have you ever wondered why people allow themselves to be tied up, dominated by another person, male or female? Is it something that you’d like to try or appeals to you but you’re too scared to give it a go? Or maybe you think that anyone who does do this must be mad.

Fulani and I have been asked many times ‘what’s it like to be trussed up like that?’ and ‘why do you like it?’ The answers aren’t simple, and won’t be the same of course for everyone. But for me the whole thing started with simple curiosity and a tendency to like the strange and different. I went to a fetish ball, met some friendly people who invited me to another event, and after going to several and seeing Fulani tie other people up while taking great care over their safety decided to ‘have a go.’ Yes, right there in the club. The advantage to this was that I asked the friend I’d attendedwith to keep an eye on me, so I felt very safe.

The result was unexpected and the start of some new fun in my life. I found myself relaxing and eventually zoning out while trussed up. The feel of the rope around you is not only quite sexy but quite comforting. I feel secure, safe and totally not in control. Of course, you can only feel safe and not in control when the person who is doing the bondage can be trusted. Obviously Fulani and I got on really well, and met up again many times at events. Eventually I felt safe enough with him to start seeing him in private. Now we are a couple.

If bondage is something you’d like to try, I’d recommend going to a fetish club initially. There are some very good ‘doms’ and some who think they are good but aren’t. Take your time to get to know people. Make friends. Watch how they play with other people. If you fancy playing with someone, it may be a good idea to ask the ‘dungeon monitor’ who is likely to know many of the people at the event. Tell them you’re new. Tell them you’re inexperienced. Don’t be shy. One of the best way to make sure you are safe is to lay your cards on the table and take advice from more experienced people. I’ve found that there is always someone at these events who is willing to help a newcomer. Use your instinct, too. I avoided one man like the plague at three separate events, only to find out he is not the best at respecting a subs wishes, so was right to avoid him.

Always remember that the sensation or feeling of being out of control is not the same as actually being out of control. YOU, as the sub, are in charge. YOU say when it all stops or when you are released if you’re bound. The dom only controls you for as long as you let them. Ultimately, this play is about power exchange. You give the control over to your dom, complete with an understanding of your limits, and he/she gets to behave as if they own you for a while, hopefully giving YOU a good time. He gets his enjoyment out of being control of you.

So if you are thinking of giving something new a try, just do it in a safe environment and don’t be afraid to speak out if you don’t like it. This is not a situation to keep quiet and end up feeling abused. Clear communication is paramount in fetish. Only you can decide what’s right for you. A good dom will listen and act on your feelings.

9 thoughts on “Bondage – Why do People do it? Plus safety tips.

  1. I know why I like it….its the fault of my parents. I remember as a kid, before quilts, going to bed, back in the days of sheets and blankets. I’d get into bed and then the layers of sheeting would be tucked in around me. There was no way I could even turn over, let alone get out of bed! You’d be stuck there till morning when you were set free. It felt safe, but now I want to be restricted for fun!!! Tie me to the bed and slap me like you’re tenderizing a piece of best steak lol

  2. Safety in Bondage.
    There’s nothing like the sensation of being completely bound whilst other things are happening to you. There are lots of different materials you can use to tie each other up: metal, rope, canvas, rubber, plastic wrap, bandages, straps and webbing – but if you’re new to bondage the cheapest, easiest and most flexible material to use is rope. Here’s some advice for basic rope bondage (the Top is the one doing the tying up).
    The best way to learn bondage is in person from someone who knows what they are doing. Ask at your local leatherbar if any local clubs or organisations run courses in bondage for beginners.
    Blindfolding the sub at the start of the scene means that he can’t see if you’re making any mistakes or changing your mind as you go along. That gives the Top more confidence and helps the sub to relax and enjoy the experience.
    Soft cotton rope is easier to knot and less likely to cause friction burns than rope with a plastic coating or rough surface. I recommend rope that’s 6-10 mm diameter for most bondage and thinner for cock and ball bondage. bondage and toy shop uk

    Always be careful when pulling rope that you don’t cause a burn on your sub’s skin or flick the end of the rope into his eyes.
    Consider how you would get the sub out of the rope bondage quickly in an emergency. A good rope bondage Top will own a pair of bandage scissors to cut ropes quickly and safely. You can buy bandage scissors from a medical supply shop or larger pharmacies.
    Check the sub’s hands and feet regularly during the scene to make sure they are still warm. If the hands or feet are cold then loosen the appropriate ropes until his circulation improves. Don’t rely on the sub to tell you that his hands or feet have gone numb – he might not be able to tell.
    Don’t tie rope around the sub’s neck, behind his knees or elbow joints, inside his wrists or any other pressure points. Apart from restricting breathing or circulation you could also cause nerve damage. Leather wrist cuffs are a good investment as you can attach the sub’s wrists to a variety of locations quickly and easily without cutting off his circulation.
    Check that the sub’s breathing is unimpaired throughout the scene, especially if he is hog-tied or lying face down.
    Each rope you add during a bondage scene will change the tension in the other ropes, so make sure you go back and check your earlier work at regular intervals to see that they are just tight enough to restrict movement without causing injury.
    Think ahead to the final position you’d like the sub to be in. It’s no good tying him firmly into a position where you can’t reach the parts you want to play with!
    Consider the sub’s stability. If he’s standing up and you tie his hands behind his back and then tie his ankles together, it won’t take much for him to fall over and be unable to break his fall – although he may break his nose or wrists. If the sub is standing it’s a good idea to tie his feet apart rather than together, and make sure he has some support at his arms or from ropes crossing him in front and behind.
    Don’t tie the ends of ropes within reach of your sub’s teeth or fingers. Otherwise, while your back is turned he’ll be concentrating on undoing your handiwork. Use the middle of a rope to attach your sub’s wrist to a pole, hook or headboard – then take the ends of the rope somewhere else and tie them off out of reach.
    You don’t have to buy expensive rope from a fetish shop. In London you can buy 10m of black cotton rope from a sex shop for £20 UK. A shipping chandler sells 10m of unbleached white cotton rope for £7 UK. However, in a magic shop you can buy 10m of brightly coloured soft cotton rope for just £3.50 UK. Before you say that black rope looks more sexy – think how hard it is to tie a knot in black rope in a dimly lit playroom. Also, if the sub is already blindfolded it won’t matter what colour the rope is.
    It’s a good idea to wrap coloured sticky tape around the ends of the ropes to stop them from fraying. You can use different coloured tape as a code for different lengths of rope.
    If you don’t have any suitable places to tie your sub to, buy some large hooks from a DIY store. You can screw the hooks into door frames or a wooden bed base to provide anchor points. You can always unscrew the hooks afterwards if you don’t want other people to see them.

    Anna
    bondage rope uk

  3. Pingback: Writing bondage, doing bondage « deliciouslydeviant

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