A fetish nursing home for your retirement? Thoughts by Velvet Tripp

While out the other night, we got into a conversation about old age and fetish. We had a laugh considering what kind of nursing home would be ideal for elderly fetishists. We know for a fact the urges to be sexual don’t go away, and a sweet tale of a ninety-something asking a member of staff in a nursing home to buy her a new vibrator while out shopping made us think (she apparently asked for a glow-in-the-dark one so she wouldn’t lose it under the duvet!).

There are the obvious jokes – sensory deprivation achieved by removing glasses and hearing aids, restraint by taking away walking frames, and caning done somewhere the dom can get a run-up to the sub’s backside using a mobility scooter with the cane held out at the right level. But since we recently posted here about a bondage garden, we thought: why not a fetish nursing home? The house and gardens could also be adapted to the special needs of the physically challenged.

Equipment for lifting could be used or converted to use as a sling, but if the dom involved also was unsteady, a walking frame would need to be stabilised in some way to work with only one hand steadying it instead of two.

Whipping benches may need to be lower so that the dom could sit down to do the business, and bondage tape might be easier to deal with than rope. Gags would possibly be difficult with false teeth (if anyone can enlighten me on that one I’d be grateful as my own teeth aren’t brilliant and might not last the course).

Blindfolds are simple enough, but what about suspension, whipping, crops etc? Maybe a sling could be used under tired bones once ropes have gone on for suspension. A pulley would get the sub and sling in position. Some equipment to keep an unsteady dom upright while wielding a whip, and perhaps a nurse to catch him on standby would be in order.

And of course they’d have to stock plenty of lube for the residents and extra power sockets for all those magic wands and other paraphernalia that doms carry around in their suitcases full of toys. The suitcases wouldn’t be needed, but plenty of storage would, and be easy to access.

Then there’s the music. Hopefully they’ll play Combichrist, Nine Inch Nails and other such atmospheric stuff for play nights. Don’t laugh; even these days, some people in nursing homes are in their sixties and thus spent their formative years listening to Led Zeppelin and Jimi Hendrix – it’s not that unusual to hear such stuff in homes, apparently. I can’t imagine playing to Boyzone or Herman’s Hermits, though…

In the garden the arbour would need a winch to get you up there. Nettles might be a bit too cruel for thin, delicate elderly skin but there are other plants that would give a milder rash! The cold stone whipping bench could be padded with cushions and kneeler pads (the sort you use for gardening) left around for residents use. A few walking stick cabbages could be grown for their later use to help subs back to their feet after using the kneeler pads.

What kit could you dream up for a specialist fetish old people’s home or complex?