Dangerous Sex

Would it surprise you to know that one in ten adults say they or their partner have fallen off the bed during sex at some point during their adult lives and one in fifty have fallen off the washing machine? That’s only the tip of the iceberg.

According to The Telegraph (OK, it’s an old article from 2010!), the most common injuries are;

1. Pulled muscle
2. Injured back
3. Carpet burns
4. Cricked neck
5. Bashing elbows / knees
6. Bruised shoulder
7. Twisted knee
8. Sprained / strained wrist
9. Sprained / strained ankle
10. Bending fingers back

We think between the two of us, at one time or another we’ve experienced all of these.

The most dangerous locations were:

1. Sofa
2. Stairs
3. Car
4. Shower
5. Bedroom
6. On a chair
7. Kitchen table
8. Garden
9. Lavatory
10. In a work cupboard

And the most commonly broken items were:

1. Bed frame (yup, done that)
2. Wine / pint glass (ditto)
3. Picture
4. Chair
5. Tea cup (you can tell it’s an English survey, can’t you…)
6. Wall
7. Chest of drawers
8. Door
9. Window
10. Vase

From personal experience we’d add that indoor practice with a bullwhip can result in damage to lampshades and light fittings.

The Telegraph doesn’t, unfortunately, give the source of the report. Another equally unreferenced report suggests you should remove your pets from the room before embarking on sex. Apparently, cats are especially prone to clawing at genitals if present (if the cat’s present, that is, not the genitals) when there’s action going on. Ouch! Avoiding oral sex after spicy food is also recommended, after a woman ended up in casualty with burns in a delicate place when her boyfriend went straight there after a hot curry. And of course, be careful what foreign objects you introduce into sensitive areas! Bottles, light bulbs and other glass objects are not a good idea. One report tells of a man’s lucky recovery, which required an operation, following an exploded light bulb in his rectum!

Many didn’t realise they were injured until the following day, when passion (and possibly alcohol) had worn off. If you’re into BDSM and topping or domming, you should have full control of your faculties, but subs beware – both alcohol and painkillers might leave you unable to tell how much pain/pleasure you are actually having.

So take safety seriously if you don’t want to end up recovering from a session for much longer than you anticipated! Clear the room you intend to use, have safe toys available, put the cat out and make a soft landing for yourselves if you’re going to climb on furniture.

So have fun and play safely!

One thought on “Dangerous Sex

  1. Wow. I once had fingers bent back — I was going down on my girlfriend, she was holding my free hand (my other was inside her), and… yeah.

    I spent the entire next day moaning and groaning about how much my fingers hurt, desperately hoping someone was going to ask me how I hurt them. Alas, nobody cared.

    And of course we’ve all had the cricked neck and sore back.

    If something’s not sore the next morning, you’re not trying hard enough. 😉

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