Bondage – Why do People do it? Plus safety tips.

Have you ever wondered why people allow themselves to be tied up, dominated by another person, male or female? Is it something that you’d like to try or appeals to you but you’re too scared to give it a go? Or maybe you think that anyone who does do this must be mad.

Fulani and I have been asked many times ‘what’s it like to be trussed up like that?’ and ‘why do you like it?’ The answers aren’t simple, and won’t be the same of course for everyone. But for me the whole thing started with simple curiosity and a tendency to like the strange and different. I went to a fetish ball, met some friendly people who invited me to another event, and after going to several and seeing Fulani tie other people up while taking great care over their safety decided to ‘have a go.’ Yes, right there in the club. The advantage to this was that I asked the friend I’d attendedwith to keep an eye on me, so I felt very safe.

The result was unexpected and the start of some new fun in my life. I found myself relaxing and eventually zoning out while trussed up. The feel of the rope around you is not only quite sexy but quite comforting. I feel secure, safe and totally not in control. Of course, you can only feel safe and not in control when the person who is doing the bondage can be trusted. Obviously Fulani and I got on really well, and met up again many times at events. Eventually I felt safe enough with him to start seeing him in private. Now we are a couple.

If bondage is something you’d like to try, I’d recommend going to a fetish club initially. There are some very good ‘doms’ and some who think they are good but aren’t. Take your time to get to know people. Make friends. Watch how they play with other people. If you fancy playing with someone, it may be a good idea to ask the ‘dungeon monitor’ who is likely to know many of the people at the event. Tell them you’re new. Tell them you’re inexperienced. Don’t be shy. One of the best way to make sure you are safe is to lay your cards on the table and take advice from more experienced people. I’ve found that there is always someone at these events who is willing to help a newcomer. Use your instinct, too. I avoided one man like the plague at three separate events, only to find out he is not the best at respecting a subs wishes, so was right to avoid him.

Always remember that the sensation or feeling of being out of control is not the same as actually being out of control. YOU, as the sub, are in charge. YOU say when it all stops or when you are released if you’re bound. The dom only controls you for as long as you let them. Ultimately, this play is about power exchange. You give the control over to your dom, complete with an understanding of your limits, and he/she gets to behave as if they own you for a while, hopefully giving YOU a good time. He gets his enjoyment out of being control of you.

So if you are thinking of giving something new a try, just do it in a safe environment and don’t be afraid to speak out if you don’t like it. This is not a situation to keep quiet and end up feeling abused. Clear communication is paramount in fetish. Only you can decide what’s right for you. A good dom will listen and act on your feelings.